by Rebecca Margiotta | Aug 24, 2018 | Becky Update
Friends,
I just got up from a nap. And I had a bunch of other things to tell you about, but I realized what I most want to tell you today is the subject of today’s email: it’s OK to take a nap.
It really is. I know the world is falling apart. I know you are a critical member of an essential team doing very important things in the world. And…it’s OK to take a nap. Or go for a mid-day walk in the park. Or leave early to take your kid to soccer practice. Or whatever, so long as it’s something that nurtures you.
One of my all time favorite quotes is from EB White (yeah – Charlotte’s Web dude). He said, “I arise in the morning and am torn between a desire to save the world and a desire to savor it. This makes it hard to plan my day.”
I totally get it, EB. Me, too. And sometimes, I notice folks get so busy saving the world that they put savoring way on the back burner.
Here’s the deal. Summer is almost over. Pretty soon we’ll all return to the hustle and bustle of fall and get busy squirreling away nuts for the winter. So now’s your chance!
Sometime over the next week, I encourage you to give yourself the gift of at least one hour that’s luxuriously nurturing for you.
Because, you know…we need you out there. You are saving the world. And this is a marathon, not a sprint.
Savor on, my friends,
Becky
In keeping with this week’s theme, Nicole Taylor – Skid Row School alum and faculty member for our fellowship, just released her first book A Joyful Pause: 52 Ways to Love Life. I am so looking forward to receiving my copy this weekend!
Many of you met one of our fellows, Michelle Molitor, when she was on the faculty at the Skid Row School. She is the founder of The Equity Lab and they are now accepting applications for the Nexus Fellowship. Organizations are asked to identify two representatives for a year-long experience to strengthen skills in race, equity, diversity, and inclusion, especially in the k-12.
LaShawn Chatmon and Kathleen Osta from the National Equity Project wrote this thought-provoking article for Ed Week: 5 Steps for Liberating Public Education from Its Deep Racial Bias for EdWeek. Please share with your favorite educators!
The Brookings Institute is hiring four positions related to scaling – a scaling lab researcher and a scaling lab facilitator each – for their work in Côte d’Ivoire and Jordan.
by Rebecca Margiotta | Aug 20, 2018 | Becky Update
Friends,
With the school year starting up and all the new beginnings associated with it, I think this is as good a time as any to ask yourself, “What am I committed to?”
It sounds simple enough, but my experience has been that the answer to that question – and what I do about it day to day – makes a huge difference in my effectiveness as a change leader. I’ve also found that actively making a new commitment, as in, “I commit to…” is a great catalyst to jump-start something new in my life.
One of the things we do at the Skid Row School is encourage leaders to commit to bringing their aim to fruition over the next 18 to 36 months. It’s one thing to “have” an aim – it’s another thing entirely to commit to it. I notice in myself there’s an energetic shift that occurs once I commit to something, whether I scribble it into a journal, or write it in big letters on a piece of flip chart paper or say it silently to myself.
On my staycation I had some time to reflect on what I am committed to and I arrived at a new commitment that I want to share with you here. By way of background, I grew up Catholic and one of the songs that I heard in my childhood had a line that went, “The wilderness will lead you to your heart where I will speak. Integrity and justice with tenderness you shall know.” If I close my eyes I can hear my Aunt Sharon singing that verse and if my heart could speak it would say, “Yeah. That.”
To unpack that a little I will share that I very much enjoy backpacking. When I go deep in the wilderness all that seems to be left of me is my truest self. When I think of integrity I think of the practices that I learned from the Hendricks Institute – reliable tools for returning to my own sense of wholeness. When I think of justice, I think of how can I take responsibility in my day-to-day for creating a world in which everyone gets what they need. When I think of tenderness, my judgement of myself is that I fall way short. I can do the fierce Mama Bear thing, and my kids do a great job of bringing forth my tenderness, but sometimes as I navigate the world sometimes I have some sharp elbows, and I feel sad about that.
All this to say – ahem – I feel excited to share my new commitment with you: I commit to grounding my life and my work in integrity, justice, and tenderness.
Now it’s your turn – what are you committed to? Or stated another way – what are you willing to commit to now? I’d love to hear your answers.
Big love to you,
Becky
by Rebecca Margiotta | Aug 2, 2018 | Becky Update
Friends,
I hope this finds you well. I am fresh off a three-day workshop with one of my mentors, Katie Hendricks and I want to share my biggest a-ha discoveries with you in case maybe you’ve been struggling with something similar.
My intention for the workshop was to explore how I might experience joy in my life given all that is going on in the world. How can I feel joy when I know that our government still hasn’t returned hundreds of children to their parents? How can I feel joy when every other time I log onto facebook I read a post from Shaun King about another innocent black man who has been shot by the police. How can I feel joy when the current administration is giving the green light to corporations to pollute our water and our air? How can I feel joy when every week or two I learn about another mass shooting? Please feel free to add your own concerns about current events here, the point is there is no shortage of injustice and suffering in our own backyard, not to mention the rest of the world.
I want to acknowledge that the injustice and suffering that I’m noticing is not necessarily new. It just seems to be pervasive and occurring on an accelerated timeline right now.
These injustices are not ok by me. And. And. AND. I am married to my favorite person in the whole world aka my “hot wife.” We have two radiantly beautiful and healthy children. We live in a our dream house in a vibrant medium-sized college town with mountain views out our windows. I just took a yoga class (in the middle of the work day). So on this whole other level, my immediate day-to-day life is incredibly good. I feel so grateful for all that I am so blessed to enjoy in my life, and I find it increasingly difficult to reconcile my privilege and good fortune with the unfairness and suffering that I see all around me.
Perhaps you’ve wondered this, too.
Let me break it down for you in slow motion how this pattern unfolds for me.
I read or listen to the news or scroll my facebook feed and discover some new injustice or tragedy that has taken place. This has been a daily occurrence for me for a long time.
I feel angry. An injustice has occurred. A boundary has been crossed. “This is not ok!” I say to myself. And anger is the appropriate response to an injustice or a boundary incursion. It’s biologically adaptive and it serves the purpose of producing the energy to restore that boundary.
Unfortunately, in this case, I don’t have the power to personally right the wrong or restore the boundary. Which catapults me into a second cycle where I then get stuck: I recognize that I’m not “big enough” or “powerful enough” to right the wrong, and then I feel scared. That takes me onto the drama triangle that we teach about in the Skid Row School. I start off in the victim position where I’m “at the effect of” forces more powerful than me. Then I might head on over to the villain position where I can go into a blame and criticism spiral and get that adrenaline hit from being right and self-righteous. And it is satisfying for a minute because I’m actually pretty good at diagnosing exactly what’s wrong and who is to blame (let me know if you ever need help with that). But it’s not deeply satisfying and for sure it doesn’t make things any better. Then I hop on over to the hero position where I figure out what I can do to make things a little bit better, and to be honest, it’s rarely more than a bandaid on a sucking chest wound. Then back to victim, then villain, then hero. I have spent more time in this triangle cycle than I’d like to admit for the past year or two.
When I was exploring this at the Hendricks workshop last weekend, we played a game where we drew a random card from this Integrity Card Deck (they’re inspiring works of art that I encourage you to check out for yourself). The particular card I drew said, “I listen to others accurately, appreciatively, and to invite wonder. In what ways can I learn to speak that are free of blame and invite wonder?”
That’s when the lightbulb went off for me. Authentic communication is my reliable pathway off the drama triangle and back into creativity. I consider it an area of genius, if I do say so myself. Think about all the life energy I’ve been wasting on that drama triangle when I could have been creating authentic connection toward supporting the “us” that will grow in momentum and power to be able to right these injustices afterall! That’s where I am choosing to put my energy going forward: authentic communications in support of growing the us that will transform the planet.
As I made this commitment to myself, another thing came to me: “Yes to authentic communications, WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO DO SO.” Which doesn’t have to be all the time. I have been vigilant on my social media feed making sure that no unconscious systemic racism slips by without comment or sharing the news of things I believe we should be collectively alarmed about. I watch and read the news to make sure I’m up to speed on the latest bad thing that’s happened. To be honest with you, I feel exhausted from it all.
One thing Katie Hendricks taught me years ago was how absolutely essential it is to consciously choose where to place my attention. I had forgotten that lesson. I have not been mindful about what inputs I have allowed. So over the past few days, I made some decisions to limit my information overload.
Last night I deactivated my Facebook account. I unsubscribed from Hulu Live. I deleted all the apps that are a source of upset from my iphone. I decided to leave my iphone to recharge in my home office each night so it doesn’t interfere with my quality time with my family. These are small tweaks but I believe they will free up a lot of creative energy for more important things! I will still listen to NPR but as my friend Nicki said, “Observe, don’t absorb.” I want to know what’s going on without triggering myself. And I commit to directing my energy toward the actions that are most likely to create the transformation I seek – authentic communications. I will focus on small and local knowing that will all add up.
There’s so much more redistributing of resources that will be necessary to create a more just world, and…attention is a resource. A big one at that.
I am excited to see where these new commitments take me. I look forward to many authentic conversations with you and I want you to know that I LOVE hearing from you when you respond to these letters so please keep that up!
Christine and I will be on staycation next week and I look forward to writing again the week of August 13th. Until then – be good to yourself and don’t be a stranger!
Xoxo,
Becky
We are absolutely delighted to welcome Selena Liu Raphael to the Billions Institute team where she will be working as our Operations Coordinator. She comes to us with two decades of experience in the Child Welfare, specifically foster care, intensive treatment foster care and adoptions in Los Angeles and New York City. She was a supervisor at Five Acres and oversaw the social workers who supported the families who were fostering or adopting children.
In addition to being incredibly efficient and adaptable, she also has fantastic insights into human development and has a deeply compassionate approach to dealing with people.
It’s not on her official bio, but you should know that she was cast on a reality show that never aired called “When Women Rule the World.” Her natural leadership skills were so solid that she ended up being “Queen for a Very Long Time” and there was no drama (which is why it never aired). We are so thrilled to enjoy her calm and grounding leadership at the Billions Institute. She and her husband, Jordan, have three beautiful children and live just three blocks away from Becky in Claremont.
Carisa Speth, who was my virtual assistant now has room for one more client. For the past year, Carisa brought order to the chaos of my schedule and handled all my travel arrangements. She freed me up to focus on the most important things. I can’t say enough good about her and lucky you if you get my old spot! She can be reached at carisanspeth@gmail.com.
by Rebecca Margiotta | Jul 27, 2018 | Becky Update
Believe it or not, this was a “thing.”
Hey friends,
If your indoctrination about what it means to be a leader or a manager was anything remotely like mine, it’s possible that you have some notion of “needing to control others” wrapped into your self-concept.
My memory might be a little bit foggy, but I think I remember the old definition of leadership at West Point in the late 80’s being something along the lines of “getting people to do what they don’t want to do.”
At the Billions Institute we come at things from a different point of view. Our Model for Unleashing (orchestrating the loss of control of thousands of people moving in the desired direction) doesn’t ask “how can I get these people to do what I want them to do?” Rather, we start with, “how can I help all these people doing what they want to do?”
Easier said than done, but if you, like me, have a daily wrestling match with your inner control-freak, here’s one short story I offer for your consideration.
I am dating myself with this example, but back in the 1970s there was a fabulous commercial on one of the four TV stations (I’m talking before remote controls here, people) in which happy hippies picked packs of Juicy Fruit gum off a massive tree of seemingly endless packs of Juicy Fruit Gum. Think I’m making this up? See for yourself. I mean, if only there were trees like this, right? Who’d leave their yard?
So five or six year old Becky decided, “I’m gonna grow me one of those trees.” I didn’t have a pack of Juicy Fruit, but I did have one cardboard textured piece of pink Bazooka Joe bubble gum. I dug a hole in my back yard, planted the piece of Bazooka Joe gum, covered it up with some dirt, and diligently watered it every single day, trusting in my soul that soon a bubble gum tree would emerge!
Well…a few days passed and my patience couldn’t stand it anymore. So, I dug up the gum. Then I ate it. Yup. I ate the gum. That had been buried in the yard.
So what help is that story for you and your inner control-freak?
What do you think would have happened if I had asked my parents permission to plant a Juicy Fruit tree in the back yard and they said, “Heck no, weirdo kid. That’s the most foolish thing we’ve ever heard! It’ll never work. It will be a waste of precious resources. Here’s what you need to do instead….[lecture, lecture, lecture, word, word, word, insert helicopter parenting technique here].
Probably for a couple months I would have thought with resentment, “I betcha it would have worked. Adults don’t know anything!” Or I would have secretly done it anyway. Or I would have lost my curiosity or willingness to try things on my own and sat around like a cow waiting for instructions on age-appropriate activities.
Here’s the thing. Adults are just grown-up kids. And tapping into our curiosity and our willingness to try new things are absolutely essential building blocks for doing anything that makes any difference at all in the world. So I think the name of the game is to nurture and encourage curiosity and willingness to try new things whenever possible.
Obviously you don’t want your team to become a complete free-for-all, olly-olly-all-oxen-free utterly lacking in discipline gaggle of folks. The key to unleashing curiosity and agency while not completely losing control is three things:
- Aims – how much, by when?
- Measures – how will we know as we go?
- Small, rapid-cycle tests.
I want to grow Juicy Fruit tree (aims). I will know I have one if anything remotely resembling a Juicy Fruit tree starts to grow where I planted my gum (measures). If it doesn’t work, I’ll eat the gum. (small test).
No harm, No foul. Lots of learning.
I think the ideal time frame for small tests is a week or two. I look for opportunities in team meetings to say, “You should totally try that! Do you think you could report back to us on what you learned in a week or two?” Even if they’re going down the grown-up version of the Juicy Fruit tree failure, I know that’s ok because we’ll only lose a week, but we’ll gain their growing curiosity and sense of agency. And who knows – there’s just as good a chance they’ll discover something brilliant and game-changing.
Play on!
Becky
We are currently accepting applications for our January 8th – 11th, 2019 Skid Row School. October 2018 is completely sold out but please email jennifer@billionsinstitute.com if you’d like to be put on the wait list.
We also have one remaining spot for an alumni who wants to join our two-year fellowship this September 25th – 27th, and two spots for leaders who’d want to start Feb 5th – 7th, 2019. More info and an application here.
by Rebecca Margiotta | Jul 17, 2018 | Becky Update
Dear friends,
I want to share with you one of the highlights from the Skid Row School last week. In attendance was a team from the United Farm Workers Foundation, and at the end of the first day, Ester Cadavid and Eriberto Fernandez shared with us the Prayer of the Farm Workers Struggle, written by Cesar Chavez. We learned that they start every meeting by reciting this it together followed by the unity clap. They invited everyone in attendance at the Skid Row School to recite it with them with the caveat that you don’t have to be religious to connect with the deeper values being communicated.
We rose to say these words together. I looked across the room at the organizations working in different sectors to create a better world. As the meaning of the words landed, I felt a lump in my throat and frog-voiced my way through it. Later I shared it with my Aunt Sharon and she texted back, “That’s a prayer worth living into.” Indeed, it is.
I am honored to share it with you here:
PRAYER OF THE FARM WORKERS’ STRUGGLE
Show me the suffering of the most miserable;
So I will know my people’s plight.
Free me to pray for others; For you are present in every person.
Help me take responsibility for my own life;So that I can be free at last.
Grant me courage to serve others; For in service there is” true life.
Give me honesty and patience;
So that I can work with other workers.
Bring forth song and celebration;
So that the Spirit will be alive among us.
Let the Spirit flourish anti grow;
So that we will never tire of the struggle.
Let us remember those who have died for justice;
For they have given us life.
Help us love even those who hate us;
So we can change the world.
Amen.
We are living through some b-a-n-a-n-a-s times together. Many of you wake up each morning to make the world a better place. May you thrive in your efforts. May you find some strength knowingyou are not alone.
Speaking of which…I’m delighted to share with you the latest graduates of the Skid Row School. This last cohort included leaders from Ashoka University, Blue Engine, Bonneville Environmental Foundation, CORE Districts, Courageous Leadership, LLC, Encore.org, iThrive Games, Polaris, Rutgers University Social-Emotional and Character Development Lab, Shift-Results, StriveTogether, Teach for America, and the United Farm Workers Foundation. In addition to those organizations, we had fellows from Sandy Hook Promise and Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. Congratulations to all of you and go get ‘em with your aims! Plus our first baby graduate ever!
Don’t burn out!
Becky
We are currently accepting applications for our January 8th – 11th, 2019 Skid Row School. October 2018 is completely sold out.
We also have one remaining spot for an alumni who wants to join our two-year fellowship this September 25th – 27th, and two spots for leaders who’d want to start Feb 5th – 7th, 2019. More info and an application here.
